gotterhag:

maritalproblems:

I am studying for my drivers test

The correct answer is “offer them a choice between menthol or non-menthol”

palmer:

palmer:

I’ve had enough of you… GUARDS! Impregnate this man.

This tumblr shit is easy

camilius-2:

cigarettefaggot:

midwest transmasc t4t couple

evilwizard:

you ask me why i have a doggy door installed in a window 6 feet off the ground and i put my fingers in my mouth and whistle. “here boy!” the FLAMING SKULL flies through the flap and starts gnawing on your forearm

the-better-rainbow-unikitty:

maykitz:

every time theres a new bad tv show or movie people act like its the end of the world you guys need to learn about the not watching shit method i’ve been successfully employing the not watching shit method for years

This tag deserves to be seen

soulmvtes:

january is one of those months where you experience every feeling on the human spectrum and you just have to go about your day like that isn’t happening

juicedoesthings:

in recent events of that zoo losing the clouded leopard, it reminded me of the time i went to a large petting zoo and there was a free roaming little black sheep. cutest little guy i ever saw, soi went to the zookeeper nearby and said ‘i think its really cute how you have a sheep thats allowed to just walk around. ‘ then the zookeepers eyes widened and he grabbed his walky talky and ran 

bad1dimagines:

x

pun-ishment888:

feanor-the-dragon:

firefly-fez:

lyinginbedmon:

blossy:

When Utonium first creates the girls, he immediately panics about how to take care of them and drives to the store to get supplies and, literally, the First thing he says when he gets back is “good parents don’t leave their children home alone.”

Like Utonium went from Scientist to Dad faster than the explosion that created his superpowered daughters.

So… you’re telling The PowerPuff girls is basically just a Frankenstein AU wherein he takes some goddamn responsibility for his creation for once?

That is a powerful take right there

Theres a reason he is Professor Utonium and the other is Mr. Frankenstein

unfilstrofco:

Me, while watching a critically acclaimed film that was well received by audiences: why did no one tell me this film was so good

keepcalmandcarriefischer:

keepcalmandcarriefischer:

keepcalmandcarriefischer:

Pregnancy runs in my family. Over half of my ancestors had it at some point.

The other big one is death. That runs in the family too. An overwhelming majority of my ancestors experienced death at some point in their lives.

al13ngal:

verdigrisvagabond:

fourlughero:

tilthat:

TIL Ray Bradbury first titled Fahrenheit 451 “The Fireman”, then called a local fire station to ask what temperature it would take to actually ignite books. The responding firemen placed him on hold and burnt a book, then reported that the heat required was “Fahrenheit 451″.

via reddit.com

That’s such a fire fighter thing to do.

“You know what? That’s a good question. I’m gonna put you on hold while I find out”

My dad used to design kitchens at Lowe’s and one day he got a dude from one of the national labs looking to buy a countertop. Dad sent him home with a sample of a quartz-composite countertop to make sure the color will look good with his existing cabinets. The dude asks my dad what the composition of the countertop is and whether it’ll melt if he puts a pot on it (since it’s a composite and not pure stone) and Dad gives him some rough numbers and reassures him that it won’t melt if he puts a hot pan on the counter. The dude comes back with week later without the sample. The dude gives dad a detailed list of the countertops composition, to the nearest hundredth of a percentile, and the exact temperature it melts at, because he took it to his lab and melted it down.

tldr, it’s not just firefighters.

Imagine giving someone a sample of the granite you use to make countertops and they come back a few days later just to tell you they fucking dematerialized it

kactusnz:

theconcealedweapon:

this is the funniest fucking graffiti I’ve ever seen